illusional | 7th l o s t s o u l ~ [Voice]

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7th l o s t s o u l ~ [Voice]

[The last event left Cheyenne in a weird place and since then, she's been rather scarce around the village. Aside from getting food at one of the village restaurants, she's spent most of her time either in her apartment or in the forests just outside the village. Today, she's actually back to her usual spot: sitting on the edge of one of Luceti's many bridges, looking down at the water.]

[A few hours of this goes by until she finally opens her journal and poses a question to the residents. The very thing that's been on her mind all this time.]

It is not uncommon for others to ask questions using these journals, yes? [A pause. She wasn't really expecting an answer to that.]

...what do you think it means to be a "person"?

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As I alluded to before, there was a time when I had been a source of pain for those living in my previous world. I do not hope to feign innocence in regards to my past.

You do not need to feign innocence, but at the same time, there is nothing to prevent you from working to assure it does not happen again.

As you said before, your ability to feel places you at a level above others of your species. In that case, then, it is important for you to work to maintain that.

... In any case, I hope that my answer has helped you in some way. Even if you do not consider yourself a person, I think you are one.

You are not the only one to believe such a thing. There are more in the village who would consider me a person than those who would consider me a monster.

To be honest, I am not sure what to think of it.

Is it not positive to you at all, to be seen in this light?

Or... do you want to be seen as a monster...?

[Robert's tone is... tentative. Almost disbelieving, really.]

[A pause.]

Suppose you spent your whole life believing yourself to be a person.

Now, suppose you found yourself in a situation where others consider you to be a monster instead. Furthermore, to be a person is now a "bad" thing, whereas you previously believed there to be little distinction between being a person and being a monster other than convenient identification.

Would you find it difficult to abandon all association with yourself as a person?

[This... is a deep question, and Robert has to carefully search himself for an answer.]

It... would be difficult, yes. Being a person, in that case, would be an important identification for me... perhaps. If I had had it that long, it would at least be an... enduring one.

... But in that case, if "monster" was both a more accurate and a more positive term... in the end, it w-would likely be one that I would take for myself.

Identities may be intrinsic, to a degree, but they are also... malleable.

[Another pause.]

Forgive me if this question seems rather out of place, but how old are you?

[This is important.]

Age may be different for our r-respective species...

[Robert hesitates just a moment before disclosing his age, feeling... almost odd about it. Especially in the context it's being asked... but hey.]

... But I am twenty-four.

I have no doubt that is the case.

Illusionists are an unaging species. I am at least a hundred years your senior, if not two.

Having lived under one identity for so long, it is difficult for myself to perceive changing that identity.

Unaging...? You have no telomere caps or anything of the sort?

[This... shocks Robert, far more than the idea of a hominid species being a hundred or more years older than him. It reminds him of what Ami said about her species' immortality.]

... Though I suppose that... c-certainly does put your identity in context.

I am uncertain what you mean by "telomere caps," but yes, unaging. The only process by which illusionists may age is through starvation. In the past two centuries, I have physically aged only a few years.

Well, cell division is... regulated by structures called telomeres, for hominids in my multiverse. Telomeres essentially "cap off" the ends of chromosomes; aging somatic cells have steadily-shortening telomere caps. It is theoretically plausible that cells with telomeres of an infinite length, or some structure that replaced the f-functionality of them, might never age and undergo cytokinesis.

[Physically aging only due to starvation...? All of this makes Robert wonder about Cheyenne's biochemistry.]

Your species has... a d-decidedly fascinating biochemical composition.

[One of these days, she'll actually try to learn what he's talking about. Today, she'll just kind of... nod.]

I'm sure it would be fascinating, if it were possible to learn more about it. The same power that prevents illusionists from being touched perpetuates even upon death. Even the ashes are said to be intolerable.

A power that prevents illusionists from being touched...?

... Is it like some sort of energy field? [He's taking that phrase literally. Probably too literally.]

It is a curse all illusionists have. We are incapable of touching other creatures. Doing so causes them mental anguish and pain. The embrace of an illusionist is said to bring even hardened warriors to tears.

However, these are conditions that only exist within the barrier. Without the Malnosso's limit on my powers, I would further be unable to even approach another creature without causing them sensations of anxiety.

[This isn't the first time that Robert has heard the word "curse", but it is the first time he's heard of it as a property inherent to a species.

~~Also, Cheyenne? There are very few people that can approach Robert without causing him anxiety. So you're far from the only one.~~]

... I see...

That... that does seem... prohibitive. And there is... n-no method to combat this?

[There's a pause. The past experiment, she spent the entire week being able to touch Alf without repercussions. It seemed to wear off the moment the experiment ended. Had it simply been the malnosso's intervention? ...she didn't know.]

None that I am aware of, no. However, simply being able to be in the presence of other creatures peacefully is already more than I ever believed myself capable.

Then in a sense, a... s-sort of favour has been done.

[Robert thinks so, anyway.]

Unless you would... rather not be?

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